THERAPY FOR PEOPLE-PLEASING & BOUNDARIES
IN Vancouver, BC.
YOU SAY “YES”. ONLY TO FIND OUT LATER— YOU MEANT “NO”.
It’s not just saying no that’s hard— it’s also knowing what you want. Perhaps you end up thinking— “What does the other person want/ need?”, “Will they still like me if I say no?”, “What if they get mad?” These thoughts make so much sense in the context of seeking connection. However, when weighted too heavily, they can put the focus exclusively on the other person’s needs and get in the way of actually hearing your own inner voice.
People pleasing isn’t all bad, if used consciously, it can be an emphatic, skillful, cooperative or protective strategy.
Where it tends to cause difficulty is when we reflexively put other people’s needs first. When we do this we, can end up in uneven relationships and lose a send of identity or authenticity.
Feel FAMILIAR?
Struggling with decision paralysis
Ready to stop putting everyone else first
Wishing YOU DIDN’T experience so mucn resentment in your relationships
Hoping you can learn to set boundaries that feel life-giving and supportive
Here’s what we’ll do together
THERAPY for PEOPLE PLEASING & BOUNDARIES CAN HELP YOU DISCOVER WHAT MATTERS TO YOU.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have relationships that are more stable, stronger and balanced?
When we slow down and get curious about what is happening inside, people-pleasing parts of ourselves are often there to help avoid conflict, stay likeable, and (surprisingly) get our needs met. They just go about this in an indirect way.
If you’re noticing these patterns are causing some trouble in your life, and you’d like to make some shifts— together we will explore what these parts of you are up to and why. We’ll get curious about what’s driving these automatic responses and explore whether they’re still needed.
I’m not here to tell you people pleasing isn’t necessary. If you need to keep your job and your boss is a menace— people pleasing may be key. If you’re landlord is weird and you just need the sink fixed— welcome people pleasing!
But, if you partner says, “what do you want to do on our date?” and you always say, “whatever, I’m open” but actually you have a secret unexpressed wish. Or, you have a friend who spends most of your hangouts unloading their shit and you leave feeling exhausted. Or, you have a kind boss who asks you to work overtime more than is manageable and you can’t say no— Maybe people pleasing is causing more harm than good.
We’ll explore it together and see what shifts are possible!
YOU’RE READY TO FIND OUT WHAT MATTERS TO YOU.
THERAPY FOR PEOPLE PLEASING & BOUNDARIES CAN HELP YOU:
Know what you want.
A simple concept, but hard to implement if you have been wired to put other’s thoughts, needs and feelings before your own. Knowing what matters to you is a key piece of clarity that guides your next steps.
01
Set boundaries that build connection.
We often think of boundaries are barriers. But I like to think of them as parameters we share with others about what we need in order to be happy and healthy. Unlike requests, they don’t depend on the other person doing or not doing anything. They keep the agency squarely in your court.
02
Feel confident in your decisions.
This makes life much smoother. You wont always know you made the right call— who can? But when we know what we want, untangle ourselves from past patterns, and learn to communicate our needs in a way that is inline with our values, we tend to ruminate a lot less. That makes life more pleasant!
03
Reduce burnout and resentment.
When you know what you want, know how to set boundaries and feel confident in your decisions, you are much less likely to burn out or become resentful. When you listen to your needs and respond to them as they arise, an emotional backlog is much less likely.
04
Change is possible.
I’LL HELP YOU GET THERE.
FAQs
COMMON QUESTIONS
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Nope. You do you. We’ll explore what matters to you, your options, risks and possible benefits. Exploring possibilities is not committing to take action.
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This can feel like a very scary piece of getting clear and expressing what you want and need. We’ll go slowly and stay focused on supporting the health of relationships that matter to you.
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Yes. Part of getting clear about needs and boundaries is changing current patterns in relationships that aren’t working for you and also exploring what is needed to repair past hurts.